What are the mistakes that some mothers do in bringing up their daughters?

Parenting and its effects has been more intriguing to the researchers because parents play the key role in molding the character of a child. Though both parents make a huge impact on their children’s thinking and attitude, while it is more likely that mothers are attached to their daughters most, and daughters tend to depend on their mothers in the course of their growing up to be a full-fledged adult.

Mom-Daughter Duo

Mother and daughter is one of the strongest connections that two people can share. Having a mother and being a mother is the beautiful blessing a lady can have at a time. While you are being the mother of your kid, you will remember your childhood days and the bond you shared with your mother during that age. While making her to get closer to her grandmother, you will also hear stories of your childhood and the comparisons that your mother would make between you both. Words are not enough to express that unconditional love that mother and daughters share. Every mother has some unique and flawless relation with her daughter and every daughter shares that bond of attachment with her mother though she might not display it always.

Mom’s Hug

A hug from your mom is the medicine for many emotional ailments. It is often said that, “There’s nothing as powerful as a mother’s love and as healing as a child’s soul”. The whole world of things may go wrong, but a mother’s arms are always open for her child. Mother and daughter relationship is the unique bond that they are sometimes good companions, good friends, partners in crime and competitors too. Whatever a daughter does, she always has a great support from her mom. And, the older the daughter grows, the close friend she will be for her mom. They share such a beautiful relationship together. A mom sees her childhood, her innocence, her fears, her past, her teenage years, and her love in her daughter and experiences them again through her. Such a familiarity in emotions,
bring them even closer. She knows how to get under your skin.

A mother can always be the greatest inspiration for her daughter and can teach her all the important values required to survive and thrive. It is said that, “A Mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance, actually vaccinates her daughter from low self-esteem.” Mother’s words are the strongest source of encouragement, persuasion and solace. Especially a daughter can easily relate emotionally to her and can learn from her mother, feeling that she is saying something out of experience. A daughter can validate her thoughts and feelings with her mother and can rely on her mother for some piece of advice and would religiously follow her words. She knows the cries and pains of her mother, along with the smiles and sighs. She grows up noticing her mother from the childhood which makes her learn more from her in both verbal and non-verbal ways.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Being a daughter to your mother, as you and your mother share a sense of emotion, so share you and your daughter too. Mother and daughter can share high emotional bonding as the brain regulates emotions in a more similar way in both of them. Science says that, the matrilineal associations are tightly linked to greater vulnerability for daughters rather than sons in developing depression, when the moms have. This proves that mother and daughter share a similar sense of emotional disturbances, mostly under similar circumstances, and are likely to think and react in a same way. Hence people often say, “Like Mother, Like Daughter” when they notice such similarities, not only in action but also in appearance.

When Daughters Turn into Mothers

In this continuous circle of life where a child becomes an adult and an adult has a child that again turns into an adult, every being on the Earth goes through a lot of emotions. Daughters are mom’s precious pearls whom they reared from babyhood and sent off gracefully into adulthood. Especially when a daughter turns out to be a mother, the mother fills her heart with warmth, love and pride for her and wishes health and happiness in abundance for her daughter. The yesterday’s little girl who was actually playing with her till a few days ago, now has more responsibilities being a mother, caring another tiny baby, is a bigger moment of her life.

Types of moms and daughters

Being a mother and daughter you may share many funny ways of this beautiful relationship.

Best friends

You can be each other’s best friends, sharing anything to everything. She uses mom’s apparel like perfume and lipstick, while mom could dress up to hear compliments like looking as her elder sister.

Chit chatters

Both keep on talking from everything to anything, like gossiping with each other, going for shopping, having fun, movies and sharing a gala time together.

Can’t be with and be without

You both would also fight at every issue and opinion you share, but still want to interfere in everything, from wardrobe, latest fashion, boyfriend gossips to making yummy recipes in kitchen.

Savior mom

Though you grow old enough to handle all on your own, you need your mom. You could leave kids at their grandma’s place while you have much to do. You could also borrow mom’s dress and accessories like necklaces, chains, bangles, bracelets, nail polish or whatever, whenever you want them. Admire her and want to be like her with your child.

Omniscient mom

She’s your mom, and she knows every feeling of yours but loves to hear from you. Most of the times, she is your answer and destination for all your emotional needs. Simply cuddling up your mom could pacify the inner void in you.

Threats to the Relationship

There are a few actions and thoughts that could be threats to your mother and daughter relationship. Know them to understand and work on them.

Mom’s dependency could be a threat

In some families, where the mother could be facing some emotional void, while the husband tends to keep himself emotionally away from her, she tries to connect even more emotional with her daughter. When moms try to inject negative feelings on her dad, it brings turmoil during her formative stage of life and can mess up her own sense of identity and sexuality and When she grows up witnessing all these emotional disturbances, she could build aversion towards marriage. When her mother tries to give her more attention, poking in her every activity, leaving no room for her privacy, it could bother her a lot and When it becomes the duty of the daughter to fill that emotional void her mom is going through, she would undergo a lot of emotional turmoil.

And When daughter has to sacrifice her own fun times, to be with her mom, it would be detrimental to the process of the daughter’s learning. Getting the daughter to be enmeshed in the relationship with her mom, throwing out emotional dialogues like, “Are your friends more fun than I am?” or “Is this elder mom being a trouble for you?” would turn her into a people-pleaser and she get suffocate herself. This hinders her growth, socially. Such manipulations keep the daughter away from growing to be a stable and healthy adult.

Unnecessary Involvement

Not only making her emotionally bound but also poking into her private matters, more than necessary, and mostly when the daughter finds it inconvenient, would build unspoken rivalry towards her mother. When the mother tries to advice in every aspect in the name of being cautious, when she tries to correct her, guide her and persuade her to do what the mother wants her to, the daughter could slowly turn to be a rebel or a dependent. Making the daughter to be dependent fosters insecurity in daughter, while being rebel could really make her miss some valuable advice from the mother. Both are a threat to the daughter.
What can the mother do in order to avoid such disasters to happen? Try to be an independent mom, work on your bucket list while you are still on this side of the grass, break unhealthy ties, and start working on your hobbies and interests. Get comfortable being with just you, have new friends, be fine with solitude. You should be available without hovering and should be detached without cutting her off, to let her grow healthier, independent and courageous.

Never Make them Feel Insecure

Every daughter should have a feeling in her heart that home is her place, where she can come back to, what may go wrong. Doors of the home should always be open for her. Being a parent, you should always emphasize that there’s nothing in the world that’s more important to you, than her.

Communication is the Key

The key to unlock anybody’s heart is a smile with warm communication. Sometimes mothers won’t listen to their grownup children and expect the younger ones to get back. Rift takes place. But, respect goes both ways and it might not happen all the time. It is always advisable to keep the communication intact, what come May. One should leave no stone unturned in trying to discuss what could help in rebuilding the communication.
To keep a bond stronger, you should have communication, love, and respect and should never give up on each other. Are you having issues in your family? Do you feel the need of some relationship counselor to address those issues? Our empathetic psychological counselors are always at your help in this regard. Book an appointment, to meet your emotional requirements and make your life peaceful.