How to Overcome Infidelity in Marriage? | What if you found them guilty?

If Marriage is a building, trust is its foundation!! Well, every marriage goes through a lot. Troubles, issues, consequences of some decisions, financial turmoil etc., anything can be dealt with when that continuous support of your spouse is there with you. But when that very spouse is being the source of your pain, it becomes hard to bear.

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Are You Feeling Lustful?

If it is you or your spouse, started to bear feelings for that someone else, try to understand that body needs are not being satiated. Both of you need to spend some personal time. Plan a vacation as immediate as possible and spend some steamy times together. Bring those honeymoon days back into your life and have some fun out of this boring life.

If you are stuck up in an unavoidable situation like unable to time spend some private time, at least do some cuddling or virtual romance like sending nice texts to him/her showing your interest. This might ignite your spouse and you would know what’s hiding in his/her thoughts till then about spending that lone time with you.

Also read: How to Overcome Lust? What is lust and what causes lust in the brain?

Be Strict to Yourself

It is all in your hands that you ruin your world for some momentary pleasures or you work hard to build your own romantic empire. Be patient and strict enough to yourself and say no to those poisonous looks and seductive talks. These days, social media has been a business. It just engulfs your time and kills your personal life if you can allot enough attention.

Remember that digital life is for business, while personal life is just lived. Pouring down your heart your heart on social media might fetch you some similar experiences to read but exposing your personal life could always be a threat to you and your family.

Read more: Social Media’s Impact on Relationships Explained

What if you feel fishy?

Speak up!!! Yes, of course. Have a personal talk with your spouse if you feel that something is fishy. There’s no need to spy on him/her. Just look straight into the eyes and ask. Observe their immediate reaction if it is a remorse or indifference. By this you would know if he/she is really bothered about it. If you find some confusion or benign look, understand that you need to get some clarity if it is really that kind of affair or it’s you who is on the doubting side.

Either way, the other one needs to explain on this. Seek a complete and clear explanation. Meet that friend of your husband/wife in person and have a formal talk to introduce yourself in order to have a comfort feel in your mind.

Learn more: Better ways to communicate in relationships

What leads to Adultery?

• Adultery is irrespective of gender and marital status. When we say this, it means moving out of a relationship. An affair should be defined considering the bondage between them. Such affairs are formed due to various reasons like
• Just for the thrill of achieve something (to prove his masculinity; beauty, in case of women)
• To meet a challenge which have been posed in his mind since long / by someone else
• Meeting some unmet dreams / expectations
• Could be provoked by the opposite gender / loss of self control etc. etc.

know more about What is important in a relationship? 10 factors that make or break!

Every person tries to mask the conscience with some excuse. For example,

• I’m not caught, so it’s okay
• I’m comfortable doing this
• I feel pleasure found nowhere else
• Relationship with spouse is not so healthy
• Spouse is not so cooperative or encouraging
• Taking revenge on spouse for mistreating
• I’m not having a satisfying relationship at home etc. etc.

As long as a person can rationalize the thoughts and provides a comfortable explanation to his/her deeds, such relationships are maintained. To break such a thing, a strong realization should occur.

Also read: Relationship factors: 10 things that are more important in a relationship than sex

What If You Find Them Guilty?

Please don’t jump to conclusions or just go by the vague details. It is really painful to imagine that the person whom you trust the most is the one that cheated you utterly. Having a feel of hit by a ton of hard rocks, you must be thrashing on him/her verbally.

Please try to have a clear idea of their intentions while doing that act. Was it an accident? Was it because of the overconfidence that they couldn’t be caught? Or was it a pure lust that lasted for only that period of time? Get a complete understanding of their mind and then sit to have a calm talk. Be ready to face any kind of words or expressions. Have a talk with your spouse about the causes of infidelity.

If you think that this has out-grown and you cannot simply solve it or if you are unable to pacify yourself, please consult a psychologist. It is always better to talk to a therapist whenever we undergo some emotional turmoil. When things churn us deeply, we should take a professional help to come out of that deep ditch. You may also opt for an online marital counseling to help you make your decisions.

Discover more on Why Do You Need a Therapist? | How Does Counseling Cater Your Emotional Needs?

Steps to Healing After Discovering Infidelity

Step	Action	Purpose
Acknowledgment	Accept the reality of the infidelity.	Facilitates the processing of emotions and the beginning of the healing journey.
Emotional Expression	Allow yourself and your partner to express feelings openly and honestly, in a safe environment.	Helps in understanding the impact of the infidelity on both partners and begins the process of emotional healing.
Seek Support	Consider professional counseling or support groups for both individuals and couples.	Provides guidance, coping strategies, and a supportive community during the healing process.
Establish Boundaries	Set clear boundaries about what is needed moving forward, including transparency and communication expectations.	Creates a foundation for rebuilding trust and ensuring both partners feel secure in the relationship.
Reflect on the Relationship	Both partners should take time to reflect on the relationship dynamics and individual needs.	Allows for introspection on what each partner wants from the relationship and how to move forward.
Rebuild Trust	Gradually rebuild trust through consistent actions, transparency, and fulfilling promises.	Essential for the possibility of reconciliation and the restoration of a healthy relationship.
Forgiveness	Work towards forgiveness, understanding it’s a process that involves letting go of resentment and anger.	Facilitates healing by releasing the burden of negative emotions and potentially opening the path to reconciliation.
Recommitment	If both partners choose to stay together, make a conscious decision to recommit to the relationship and the necessary changes.	Marks a new beginning, with both partners agreeing to work together to rebuild the relationship.
New Relationship Dynamics	Develop new ways of interacting and connecting that prioritize openness, respect, and mutual satisfaction.	Ensures the relationship grows stronger and more resilient, preventing future issues.

How does Online Marital counseling help you?

Couples generally come to counselling when they realize that their relationship is in some kind of trouble. Sometimes the problem is so significant, or has been left unattended for so long, that the relationship is already in severe crisis. At other times, the couples become aware at an earlier stage that they are not able to resolve their problems on their own, and that they need the help of a relationship counsellor before their relationship hits crisis point and heads to dissolution.

It is always about your comfortable place and mood to open up and pour your heart out, when dealing with relationships. Online marital counseling offers you a great chance for opening up without coming down to office. You may turn off the video if you wish not to be seen.

Online marriage counselling is highly beneficial when:

• When both the husband and wife are at different locations at the time of counselling and want to participate in the session.
• When the couple at a far off place want to connect with the counsellor remotely.
• When the couple doesn’t want to see each other but want to participate in the counselling.
• If you want to join any other persons from family who needs to be involved, in the session, while them being at a far off distance.

Comparing Online vs. Traditional Marital Counseling

Aspect	Online Counseling	Traditional Counseling
Accessibility	High (Access from anywhere with internet)	Moderate (Depends on physical proximity to counselor)
Flexibility	High (Sessions can be scheduled at convenient times, including outside standard hours)	Low to Moderate (Bound by office hours and counselor availability)
Anonymity	High (Greater sense of privacy and anonymity)	Low (Face-to-face interaction)
Cost	Often Lower (Reduced overhead costs)	Often Higher (Includes costs for physical space and potentially travel)
Effectiveness	Varies (Effective for many, but depends on individual preferences and issues)	Varies (Effective, with the benefit of personal interaction, but not always accessible to everyone)

So it’s all about your convenience and comfort. Be open when you really want the best results. Book an appointment, today.

Conclusion

Overcoming infidelity in marriage requires a multifaceted approach centered on communication, self-discipline, and understanding the root causes of adultery. It emphasizes the importance of nurturing the marital relationship through quality time and intimacy to prevent the wandering of affections. The article also highlights the crucial step of confronting suspicions directly and calmly, aiming to understand the intentions behind a spouse’s actions without jumping to conclusions. Understanding the motivations behind infidelity, whether due to unmet needs, seeking thrill, or other reasons, is key to addressing the issue. In cases where the damage to the relationship seems beyond repair, seeking professional help through online marital counseling is advised to navigate the emotional turmoil and make informed decisions about the future of the marriage.

The significance of platforms like wellness hub in providing support and resources for couples facing such challenges cannot be overstated. These hubs offer a safe space for individuals and couples to explore their feelings, understand the dynamics of their relationships, and learn strategies to rebuild trust and intimacy. Through counseling services, including the flexibility of online sessions, couples are guided by professionals to work through their issues, communicate effectively, and foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Embracing the support of a wellness hub can be a pivotal step in healing from infidelity, reinforcing the foundation of trust, and ultimately strengthening the marital bond.

Frequently Asked Questions:

1. How can couples overcome infidelity in their marriage?

Couples can overcome infidelity by spending quality time together to rekindle intimacy, communicating openly about their feelings and concerns, being strict with personal boundaries to avoid temptation, and understanding the root causes behind the infidelity. Seeking professional help through counseling, especially online marital counseling, can also provide the guidance needed to navigate the complexities of rebuilding trust.

2. What should you do if you suspect your spouse of infidelity?

If you suspect your spouse of infidelity, it’s important to approach the situation with calmness and openness. Directly communicate your concerns without spying or making assumptions. Observe their response for signs of remorse or indifference, and seek a clear and honest explanation. Understanding the full context of the situation is crucial before drawing conclusions.

3. What are common reasons behind adultery in marriages?

Adultery in marriages can stem from various reasons including the thrill of new conquests, unmet expectations, seeking validation, loss of self-control, or dissatisfaction with the current relationship. It’s often a complex issue that involves both personal and relational factors.

4. How does online marital counseling help couples dealing with infidelity?

Online marital counseling offers a flexible and accessible platform for couples to discuss their issues with a professional therapist from different locations or without facing each other, if that’s more comfortable. It provides a confidential space to explore emotions, understand relationship dynamics, and learn effective communication and trust-building strategies, which are crucial for overcoming infidelity.

5. Why is understanding the intention behind infidelity important in a marriage?

Understanding the intention behind infidelity is important because it helps address the root causes rather than just the symptoms of the issue. Knowing whether the act was driven by unmet needs, a search for excitement, or other factors allows couples to tackle the underlying problems, work towards forgiveness, and rebuild a stronger, more transparent relationship.

6. Can a marriage recover from infidelity?

Yes, a marriage can recover from infidelity, but it requires effort, honesty, and commitment from both partners. Rebuilding trust and intimacy takes time and may involve professional guidance. Open communication, empathy, and willingness to address the underlying issues are key components of the recovery process.

7. How important is communication in rebuilding trust after infidelity?

Communication is fundamental in rebuilding trust after infidelity. It involves openly sharing feelings, fears, and needs, as well as actively listening to your partner’s perspective. Effective communication helps in understanding the reasons behind the infidelity, expressing hurt and forgiveness, and setting new boundaries and expectations for the relationship.

8. What role does intimacy play in recovering from marital infidelity?

Intimacy plays a crucial role in recovering from marital infidelity. Re-establishing physical and emotional intimacy helps restore the connection and trust that was damaged. It involves not just physical closeness but also sharing personal thoughts and feelings, which can help heal the wounds caused by infidelity and strengthen the marital bond.

9. Are there any specific strategies to prevent infidelity in marriage?

Specific strategies to prevent infidelity include maintaining open and honest communication, ensuring both partners’ needs are met, setting clear boundaries with others, investing in quality time together, and continually working on enhancing emotional and physical intimacy. Regular check-ins about the relationship’s health can also preempt potential issues.

10. How can couples use personal time effectively to combat feelings of lust or infidelity?

Couples can use personal time effectively by engaging in activities that both enjoy, creating opportunities for meaningful conversations, and exploring new ways to express love and affection. Planning regular date nights, vacations, or even simple at-home activities can rekindle romance and strengthen their connection, reducing the temptation of looking outside the marriage for fulfillment.

About the Author:

Prapoorna Mangalampalli

M.Sc., M.A., (Dual Masters in Psychology & English) – Counselor (6+ years of experience)

Prapoorna armed with a passionate dedication fueled by dual Master’s degrees in Psychology and English, Prapoorna sheds light on and elevates human experiences. Over 6+ years of experience fuel her insightful approach to counseling, offering profound empathy and guidance across diverse areas like online, marital, relationship, child, family, and career counseling.

At Wellness Hub, she thrives in a team environment that values innovation, compassion, and achieving results for their clients.

Connect with Prapoorna to learn how she can help you or your loved one find their voice and build a brighter future.