Mistakes that Most People do Post Marriage

Marital life is an intimate act of companionship and a life-long friendship that unites two souls as one. The marital vows that both of them take, though in any religion, custom or tradition, possess a strong meaning of being together till death does them apart. But does the magic that exist and attract them towards each other in the initial days will last forever, like said in the vows?

Well, it won’t be named magic, if it lasts, but as a couple you should be able to keep the ball rolling, interestingly for each other making all the steps meaningful. When two lives are knotted with the bond of marriage, it is believed that they both possess some rights over each other. Along with those rights, they also have duties and responsibilities that bind them together and make a family. Hence there are many things that a couple should never ignore.

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Common Mistakes in Marriages

From the many mistakes that couples do, here are the main ones that we need to focus on, so as not to let a way for any further mistakes to happen.

Understanding Each other Well

Whether it is a love marriage or an arranged one, the common mistake is that they tend to form opinions and prejudices about each other without even understanding. Many of them see their partner as a way to vent out their emotional outburst, while many others believe that he/she is the one who is ready to fulfil their long-awaited list, whether it is a world tour or a costly diamond necklace or maybe a fulfiller of those crazy intimate wishes.

Before forming opinions, or imposing expectations and criticizing for not being so perfectly-tailored-hubby/wifey and venting out that anger and frustration on them, one needs to understand what the person actually is. Understanding a person as he/she without any opinionated lens needs patience and no expectations.

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Searching for a Healing Hand

Believing that your partner will heal the emotional wounds of your past can be a major blow on your marriage. Well, you are so lucky if you get that. But, you cannot expect him/her to answer the quest and to be the bearer of that unconscious burden you put on them. When being a wife, you expect your husband to carry you and climb those 1000 footsteps or to perform a stunt on a motor bike and kiss you halting to zero from a high speed like in some movie, forget about you getting impressed, but you both would end up in a hospital.

If you are a husband who expects her to be the super girl who prepares every delicious cuisine on the earth so flawlessly or to be the one who can handle any issue with her in-laws and relatives, tactfully, you would be of course disappointed. Now, who can answer for your expectations that you are not supposed to form in the first place?

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Procrastination is the problem

Life keeps on throwing googlies when you just want to be in comfort zone and happy. But whenever there occurs a problem, if you are intending to take decisions on your own, keep in mind that you both need to discuss. Also, when important decisions like deciding on financial matters, or moving into new house or taking up a job, or maybe whether to continue that bump in her belly, are not taken in time, could turn out to be really risky.

Whenever there occurs a gap, mostly a communication gap between the couple, it is much better to resolve it by having a dialogue on it as early it happened as possible. Delaying the discussion on such topics could create more misconceptions between the couple. Hence procrastinating things could be a major problem, sometimes.

Also read: How do I deal with the fear of loss in a partnership?

Giving Sex a rain check

After a few years of marriage, those hot dates and honeymoon period gets slowly disappeared and all the routine hunt for existence creeps in. Most couples tend to make everything a routine and push the act of making love aside. After initial years of marriage, they put it on their calendar during weekends and later on, just when they can allot some time.

But, remember, Sexless marriage can be a gateway to infidelity. Without it, you are just roommates and one may find a better roommate, anytime. Couples after some years of marriage, almost forget to talk about sex and desire. When one of you is deprived and the other ignores the need, there are chances of collapsing of that marriage. The foundation of such marriage gets weaker when someone uses sex as a barometer for the relationship.

Have a look on Lack of Sexual intimacy in Relationships

Taking Each other for Granted

In the early years of marriage, everything would be so nice and rosy, but later on the couple gets too comfortable with each other and takes each other for granted. Patience in maintaining relationships gets reduced. Most of them want the other person to provide elaborated expressions in the relationships and believe that the decision, whose expression is elaborated, has to prevail. It would be the one who is expressive among the two, mostly. The other person will eventually be ignored.

Respecting their contribution to the family, and valuing their opinions would rescue you from taking the other person for granted. Some people tend to lie to their partners, hiding the truths like anything related to their marital life. Actually, if those things do matter, it’s better to reveal them when the appropriate time arrives. Getting along, and thinking nothing would happen, could make the situation worse when the time gets unfavourable.

Explore more: Advice for Newlyweds | Tips to a great marriage

Unrealistic expectations of marriage

Having unrealistic expectations of marriage can be another big problem that could lead to splits in a marriage. Acceptance is important for a long lasting marriage because everything won’t be fair all the times. There will be disagreements, fights, boredom etc. as part and parcel of being together. Working on them and being with each other matters the most.

Also read: The 5 Phases of a Relationship every couple goes through

Expectations vs. Reality in Marriage

Expectation	Reality
Partners will always know each other’s needs without communication.	Effective communication is necessary to understand each other’s needs.
Marriage will solve personal problems or fill all emotional voids.	Individuals must address their own issues; a partner can provide support but not solutions.
Love alone is enough to overcome any challenge.	While love is foundational, mutual respect, understanding, and work are required to navigate challenges.
Your partner will change their undesirable habits after marriage.	People may evolve, but expecting significant changes post-marriage can lead to disappointment.
Marriage will always be romantic and passionate like the early days.	Maintaining romance and passion requires effort, creativity, and commitment from both partners.
Disagreements or conflicts indicate a failing marriage.	Healthy conflicts can strengthen a relationship if managed with respect and clear communication.
Your spouse is responsible for your happiness.	Happiness is an individual responsibility; your partner can contribute to but not define your happiness.
Married life will be easy and always harmonious.	Married life involves challenges and work; embracing and overcoming these together strengthens the bond.

No Entry

Most of the times, when others like relatives and friends, especially in-laws try enmeshing into your business, correct you both on your relationship and try to rule you through their ideas and methods would lead to many discrepancies. One should never allow any other person to poke into your issues and should take a strong stand on that.

Know about How Should the Relationship between Mother-In-Law and Daughter-In-Law be?

Personal Space

Every person needs to have some personal space which helps them analyze their mistakes and learn something. Being too dependent on each other or never leaving each other could also suffocate your relationships.

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Personal Space and Shared Activities Balance

Personal Space Activities	Shared Activities
Pursuing individual hobbies (e.g., painting, writing)	Weekly date nights or outings
Spending time with friends separately	Joint fitness activities (e.g., hiking, cycling)
Individual fitness routines or classes	Traveling or planning vacations together
Personal meditation or mindfulness practices	Attending workshops or classes as a couple
Separate professional development or courses	Shared goals planning (financial, lifestyle)

Sharing and Not

Some people share every detail of their daily tasks with their spouses. This might sound sweet initially but would turn into a big headache later on. The other person would depend too much on you. If any one of you is having negative thoughts, continuous sharing could cripple the strength of the other person too. This affects the family strength.

Also, some people are too fearful to share anything. Maintaining kind of introvert style, they tend to keep everything to themselves. This would hinder the communication between couples, which could affect their relationship in the long term.

Finance Department

Handling finances can be done by one of the couple who is aware of the investments, savings and returns. The one, who can handle money well, can be the captain of the financial ship. Couple should discuss such issues regularly and have a planned budget. Undiscussed financial issues can grow large and can lead to conflicts. If one of you is not being honest, then those incurring debts and financial crisis can hamper your marriage.

Read more: How Do You Discuss Finances With Your Spouse or Partner?

Kids Issues

Making decisions when it comes to kids and preaching them either mother or father alone is important affects not only your relationship but also the child’s future. Treating parenting as a competitive sport is never a good idea. Remember that no parent is better than the other.

Emotional Disconnection

Check if your spouse is getting emotionally disconnected from you. Take time to sit and talk. Most couples neglect the emotions of their spouses on the verge of taking decisions or meeting their daily needs. But it is highly important to maintain that connectivity. If you think they need to change their mindset on some issue, never push them, instead, suggest something, if really necessary. Whenever you feel the need to improve yourselves, keep doing that.

Commitment is important

Last but not least, commitment is highly important. A strong commitment to the vows you have taken could make you find a way in making things fall back into place, whenever there is some turbulence. Have patience and learn to adjust your sails to the wind. Don’t search for excuses to get separated, instead keep working on repairing the relationships.

Some think that once they have found the one for their life, they don’t have to work on it. But no, being in marriage needs work to make it work. Romance and courting is the thing most people miss once they are married. Every couple should focus on their personal life and make it refreshing every now and then.

Many couples these days just go through a lot in the due course of their marital life and by the time they find a need for attending a therapy, and see a marriage counselor, they are getting permission for divorce. In case, you are having issues in your marriage, call us and book an appointment for an online session for seeking an expert advice. Talk to your counselor, today.

Conclusion

Marriage is a complex journey that requires continuous effort, understanding, and commitment from both partners. Common mistakes such as failing to truly understand each other, unrealistic expectations, procrastination in addressing issues, neglecting intimacy, taking each other for granted, allowing external interference, lacking personal space, poor financial management, mishandling parenting responsibilities, and emotional disconnection can all undermine the foundation of a marital relationship. It is crucial for couples to communicate openly, respect each other’s contributions, maintain their connection, and work together to overcome challenges. This commitment to resolving issues and nurturing the relationship is essential for a long-lasting and fulfilling marriage.

The importance of seeking support from a wellness hub cannot be overstated. A wellness hub provides a safe and professional environment for couples to explore their issues, learn effective communication strategies, and strengthen their emotional connection. By addressing problems early and committing to therapy, couples can repair and rejuvenate their relationships, ensuring that they not only stay together but also grow together, keeping the magic of their union alive.

Frequently Asked Questions:

1. What are the most common mistakes couples make after marriage?

Couples often falter by failing to understand each other fully, setting unrealistic expectations, procrastinating on crucial decisions, neglecting the importance of intimacy, and taking each other for granted. Recognizing and addressing these mistakes early can help in sustaining a healthy and fulfilling marital relationship.

2. How can understanding and communication prevent marital issues?

Effective communication and a deep understanding of each other’s needs, desires, and personality traits are essential in preventing misunderstandings and conflicts. Couples should strive for empathy and patience, ensuring they actively listen and express themselves clearly to maintain a strong emotional connection.

3. Why is maintaining intimacy important in a long-term marriage?

Intimacy, both emotional and physical, is vital for keeping the marital bond strong. It helps in sustaining the sense of closeness and connection, reducing the risk of infidelity and ensuring both partners feel valued and loved.

4. How does procrastination affect marital decisions and how can it be overcome?

Procrastination in making important decisions can lead to escalated conflicts and missed opportunities for growth. Couples should approach decisions together, discussing openly and making timely choices to avoid the buildup of resentment or anxiety.

5. What role does personal space play in a healthy marriage?

Personal space allows individuals within a marriage to grow independently, fostering personal development and happiness, which in turn, enriches the marital relationship. Respect for personal space is crucial in preventing feelings of suffocation and loss of identity.

6. How can unrealistic expectations damage a marriage, and how can couples manage them?

Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and discord. Couples should communicate openly about their hopes and limitations, setting achievable goals and appreciating the reality of their partnership over idealized visions.

7. Why is it important to manage finances together in a marriage?

Joint financial management ensures transparency, builds trust, and prevents conflicts over money matters. It is crucial for couples to discuss their financial goals, budgets, and responsibilities to maintain a stable and secure relationship.

8. How can external influences affect a marriage, and what can couples do to protect their relationship?

External influences, such as family and friends, can sometimes create tension within a marriage. Couples should establish boundaries and communicate effectively to ensure these influences do not undermine their relationship.

9. Why should couples not shy away from seeking professional help like counseling or wellness hubs?

Professional counseling or wellness hubs can provide couples with the tools and strategies needed to address their issues constructively. These resources offer a neutral perspective and expert guidance to help strengthen the marital bond.

10. How can commitment and continuous effort contribute to a successful marriage?

A strong commitment to each other and the willingness to put in continuous effort can help couples navigate challenges, adapt to changes, and keep the relationship vibrant. Working on the relationship, prioritizing each other’s needs, and celebrating successes together are key to a lasting and fulfilling marriage.

About the Author:

Prapoorna Mangalampalli

M.Sc., M.A., (Dual Masters in Psychology & English) – Counselor (6+ years of experience)

Prapoorna armed with a passionate dedication fueled by dual Master’s degrees in Psychology and English, Prapoorna sheds light on and elevates human experiences. Over 6+ years of experience fuel her insightful approach to counseling, offering profound empathy and guidance across diverse areas like online, marital, relationship, child, family, and career counseling.

At Wellness Hub, she thrives in a team environment that values innovation, compassion, and achieving results for their clients.

Connect with Prapoorna to learn how she can help you or your loved one find their voice and build a brighter future.